I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
