Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
