shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
