She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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