Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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