after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
