I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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