somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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