I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
