On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
