Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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