you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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