just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize