just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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