maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You can't motorboat a personality
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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