drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
