We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
