Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's blow job season.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
