No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
