Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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