Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
