One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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