Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
