i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize