plz talk dirty to me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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