what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
