I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
