theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
