why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
