Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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