just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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