Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
