i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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