i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
