she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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