is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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