I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
