he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
