Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize