The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
