so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
