I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
