Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
