so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
