my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize