Just cropdusted the office
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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