just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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