she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
