Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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