You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
