ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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