Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
