i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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