he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
