Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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