he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
