apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I party with great urgency now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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