Don't you send me to vm
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
