oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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