check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
