btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
