I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
