did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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