Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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