..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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