Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
