cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
