Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
