The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
